Rose petals, valentines, and broken mugs
Hello, and happy Friday lovely people!
Today, like many others, I am inspired by the impending Valentine's Day holiday (or Galentine's Day as my inner Leslie Knope prefers it) to share some hilarious and heartfelt tips I've received from family members, bloggers, poets, and my own musings.
Whether you're single or paired, up, there are 14 tips to inspire you this February 14:
- Pick your battles. We've heard this before but it's truuuue. So true. Some things are more meaningful to one partner than they are to the other -- so try to know and notice how the other person may be feeling when you're on the precipice of an argument or disagreement. Some things are worth digging your feet in on (your principles, your values, what you believe in your core) and others are just not. Identify and act accordingly.
- Don't get upset over trivial shit + be flexible (direct quote from my Dad). Yes this has a lot to do with #1 but it's worthy of it's own spot. Sometimes you have to shake off the trivial idiosyncrasies and habits of your partner to live a happy life. Sometimes wet towels are going to be put on the floor (no my hubby doesn't listen to Jewel sadly. But Ok, I have to pick up wet towels once in a while. Who cares?)
- If you are arguing, check your watch - because it may be close to mealtime. And if it's close to mealtime, your anger may be sparked by your low blood sugar. Go eat something, you'll be fine. (Advice from my uncle Manouchehr - who has been married to my aunt for over 30 years). So funny, and actually, really often part of the problem. In fact, my sister used to call it my 'hypoglycemic-meltdown' if I was getting pissy for no reason. Though I don't recommend you grab a snickers, instead please grab a handful of nuts, some toast with almond butter, or whatever healthy snack you have on hand to help. Check out my recipes page for inspiration.
- Whether you've been together for a week or 3 decades, try to see your partner with new eyes. The writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez said of his wife of 30 years, Mercedes - "I know her so well now that I have not the slightest idea who she really is." That's the kind of thing we're going for people. Imagine you were just meeting your partner for the first time. What would be special, and new about him or her again? Don't take the one you've got for granted. Sublime talked all about that here.
- Keep kissing fresh too. Oddly and happily I stumbled upon this blogger who some may find this woman totally nuts (yes, she is doing some interesting things related to freeing your inner 'sexy feminine') - she has actually some really good pointers on keeping kissing electric. Ignore her saucy bedroom voice and actually listen to the tips. You're welcome.
- The broken mug is often the most beautiful - see the pic above. It's a mug that broke accidentally but I just couldn't bring myself to throw away. Sometimes the broken pieces in objects, in ourselves and in those we love, are the most beautiful. Sure, we can see the cracks and scars. Yes we may need to be careful around the jagged parts. But ultimately, that mug is still my favorite. And your broken bits are still beautiful too.
- Confidence is key - not demurring compliments from those who love you is also key. Over the last week or so I've had an explosion of zits all over my chin and mouth. And as you can probably imagine, it stinks. I've been trying to relax about it, but I've honestly been feeling like I should don a ski mask during all waking hours. That said, Taylor (my husband) continues to shower me with compliments and has been unwavering in his love and attraction towards me. I realized there were a couple options here. I could tell him to stop. Tell him he was crazy. Blind. A liar. Or I could just be like F- it - THANK YOU. Yes, thank you for the complement shower. Though I don't feel it, I'll accept it in appreciation. No more demurring! Remember last week?
- When in doubt, buy flowers. If you feel like your relationship needs some spice - buy flowers. Any girl who says she doesn't like them is lying. If you are single - and in doubt over anything - buy them for yourself. $10-15 dollars can bring a week of joy and happiness. An independent, flower-buying-for-herself-woman is something to be darn proud of.
- Put down your effing phone. This one is really for me. I am addicted to my phone (like so many of us). I struggle with checking instagram and email often. But doing so unfortunately sends a message to the person you're with that there's something better going on than the present moment. And if that is not actually true, make a loving gesture by putting your phone down. Your partner will really appreciate it.
- Dream together. It's so fun to create dream goals with a partner (or dear friend!). Talk about that adventure you're going to take hiking Kilimanjaro or that trip to Ireland you've been dying to plan. Dream, google, compare flight prices, fantasize. Who cares if you won't have enough saved up to take the trip for years! Manifesting a goal and an adventure like this together is powerful, enjoyable, and worthwhile.
- Try adding rose petals. I love cooking with dried rose petals or just sprinkling them on things for the heck of it. And amazingly (I promise) they're not that expensive. You can find them at spice shops, online at amazon for $4.95, and they just make things (like baths, pancakes, lattes) that much more beautiful, decadent, and luxurious.
- Treat yo' self - the best way to be your best self in (or outside of) a relationship is to love yourself first. Independent of another's love and affection. YOU are most deserving and worthy of your own love. That's how it goes. So you deserve to invest in yourself. Do you need a gettaway with your best girl friends? A massage? Do you need a 45 day wellness reset? Invest in yourself and all your relationships will benefit tremendously.
- Dress yourself up. Get dolled up for a partner or just for the fun of it. Wearing sweats all day while working from home is not always that cute (I'm learning this slowly but surely). To feel more spunky, romantic, and spontaneous this weekend, get dressed up in something that makes you feel sexy and awesome. Why the heck not?
- Send love notes. It's NEVER too late to send love notes to people you care about. Yes sending Valentines are great. But beyond that, you can write belated or early Valentines all year long. Maybe you write a love letter to your mama, or even to your Grandpa who passed away a few years back. Maybe you write a love letter to your future 'Mr. Right' just for fun. I can tell you, the early morning and late night hours I spent crafting-it-up for the first time creating homemade valentines in years - cutting out weirdly misshapen pink hearts, playing with glue and doilies, really did bring out the kid in me. It was so much fun. And it was worth it to fantasize about my friends, family, and clients opening the letters and receiving little surprises of joy. I just have to remember to make a valentine for my hubby now. Oops! :)
So happy (almost) heart day. May you feel lots of love, warmth, and joy. And remember most of all - you are worthy of your own love first. After that, things usually fall right into place.