Every Morning I Find Myself A Different Person

Who am I? Who, actually, underneath it all, in the depths of my self am I? This is not an easy question but it’s one I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. Does anyone ever really know?

I recently listened to an incredible podcast interview of Paulo Coelho, the famous author of The Alchemist.  During the interview, Mr. Coelho shared the following words that have been echoing through me ever since:

Every morning I find myself a different person. I’m always a mystery to myself.  If I knew in the first hours of the morning what I was going to do, what was going to happen, what attitudes or decisions I should take, I think my life would be deathly boring. What makes life interesting is the unknown.

I love that idea of leaning into the mystery of who we are and embracing it with open arms. I love the idea of giving myself permission to be risky without getting caught up in the story of who I think I am or what I think I’m supposed to do, say, or be like.  

My mother once shared with me that she used to pray and pray for anything but a boring life. Well, this woman certainly got what she asked for.  At age twenty-five she married a man twenty-one years her senior who also happened to be a Persian Jew, a divorcee, and a dad of three kids.  You should also know, my Caucasian, Californian mom was and still remains a very devout Catholic.

After marrying my father, they had three more kids and she ruled (and continues to rule) all things child, household and finance related for our large family.  She’s also one of the smartest, handiest people I know and a beautiful calligrapher to boot. My mother has broken free of so many boundaries and boxes and has lived a richer life for it.

Indeed, it is this idea of breaking free of the shoulds and the stifling self-concepts that make life an interesting adventure. Not too long ago my personal story was one of a type-A, jet-setting, corporate go-getter. On the outside I was winning. I was ‘killing it,’ On the inside I was seriously unhappy. I broke out of that self-concept and created a new story for myself. One of re-wilding. One of wellness, healing, teaching, and self-care.  A story of copious amounts of yoga, veggies, and nature.

But I don't want to define myself strictly by that story either; I think it too can be stifling.  For example, I love yoga and have spent years practicing a more Hatha-based style, and have recently begun teaching that form around Washington. Nevertheless, lately I’ve found myself drawn to a completely different and intriguing form of yoga called Kundalini. To some it seems random and disconnected. To me it’s an interesting new love affair and it’s thrilling. I don't need to define myself, my yoga, or my life by a single style, tagline, or tradition. I’m choosing to explore, and wander. And I am seriously loving it.

I think the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we’re supposed to be are OK to a point if they serve our current development and growth. But eventually, the story must expand. One chapter ends and another begins. It’s ok to shed old boundaries and definitions of self and in fact, I think it should be encouraged. Give yourself permission to lean into the mystery of the unknown in the trajectory of your day and your life. It’s risky, sure, but it’s deliciously exciting and makes for a life of much more freedom.

To work together to create more freedom, space and mystery in your life, book a wellness session right here. 

photography by the very talented www.souqfly.com