I don't have some torrid dark-night-of-the-soul story to tell you. I didn’t hit a rock bottom or do something really embarrassing in public. I never was one to drink that much anyway.
So why did I stop drinking? My spontaneous sobriety snuck up on me subtly, and easily. Almost automatic and effortless, like breathing.
This 'decision' to delete a substance that historically and consistently made me feel less-than came up about six months ago. Here's what happened:
I woke up one morning after a lovely dinner with new friends, in which I had imbibed – across the course of about three hours – two fancy cocktails.
I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. I felt that heavy weight of depression in the body. I felt puffy, lethargic, and angry. Angry with myself as I had walked into the dinner thinking I would abstain. I knew right then and there - like choosing to finally release the heavy bricks I'd been carrying in my mind - I was done.
Let me be clear. I've never really been able to handle my alcohol. There are too many instances to count when within one sip (I am not exaggerating) I would feel an instant headache, or tingles running through my hands and arms. Am I a hypersensitive person, yes? Is some of this potentially psychosomatic? Perhaps. In the past would I still push through these warning signs from my body anyway? Yes.
You see, the thing is, I was never addicted to alcohol, I was addicted to the drama of deciding whether or not to drink it.
We are fed from all angles of culture the romance of a beautiful bottle of wine, or a nice beer with buddies at the end of a long day. And I loved it. I loved the art of finding organic or biodynamic blends. Of supporting small wine boutiques and vineyards. Of a good wine and food pairing.
But for me, the releasing of this addiction to the drama of alcohol, was and is more freeing that I can explain. It's an inward and outward declaration that I'm prioritizing my own clarity over any cultural pressures - and that kind of high is unparalleled.
I hope it's clear, this is not a commentary on whether or not you should drink, but merely an open share about standing up for the body and spirit when that is (helloooo) what I do for my career. The act of listening to the body's cues and deciding to work with them rather than against them is a revolutionary act. This act has already begun to inspire others - in their own ways - to release interruptions to wellness and prune away those obstructions with grace.
Alcohol never was for me. It never suited me, and it's something that has been truly liberating to give up. I feel tangibly better and cleaner. I am more in tune and intuitive with clients, and I've gained more energy and creativity through the release.
I bow to those of you that are considering letting something go – whether it be alcohol or something else – that repeatedly makes you feel less-than. Taking bold action for the sake of your own evolution is always a good idea.
If you are looking for a release from addiction, a few resources that may be helpful below. Or feel free to share in the comments others that have been valuable along your journey:
The Addiction Meditation. This played no small part in my release from the drama. 3 minutes everyday for about a year is what it took me to effortlessly let this go. I like things to be easy, I hope you do to.
The Home Podcast. Two hilarious and relatable women sharing their journey of empowered living beyond sobriety.
This Naked Mind. A provocative and study-based book about going off the sauce.